DECEMBER 19, 2021

Whether your bedroom persona is freakish or sheepish, chances are there’s an app for that


Contraception and protection work best when they’re mutually agreed upon between partners. While pregnancy concerns are pretty female-specific, STIs aren’t a gender-exclusive threat. Men should be tracking their sex (and use of protection) just as much as women. 

THE BRIDE


Jannes Austerer

The only data you won’t need to enter is whether you’re going to hell, because, obviously.

THE GROOM


Jesse Petterhson

Discover a brave new world of sex with Kamasutra, which offers illustrations and step-by-step instructions for achieving a variety of complicated sexual positions previously reserved for wealthy businessmen and the women they paid to have sex with them. 

Our Story

Wait, sexual activity? Yes, sexual activity! iPhone users will now be able to keep track of every single time they have sex and whether or not protection was used in each encounter.

Friends matter!

Placing a sex and protection tracker in a feature that tracks women’s reproductive health data insinuates that pregnancy is the only reason we should be tracking our sexual encounters (overlooking sexually transmitted infections), and places the burden of protection on women—all of which reinforces the problematic way Americans already think about protection in bed.

So why, then, is the sexual activity tracker tucked away in a tab that’s exclusively for women? Yes, technically, sex fits the reproductive health label.

The Bridesmaids

Track your performance in bed with this data tracking app, which analyzes info about your sexual encounters to reveal trends, like how often you’re getting laid and how long you last. It will even analyze how loud you and your partner get while performing the act.

Denise Rose

Victoria Gardner

Crystal Boyd

The Groomsmen

Want to get really weird in the sack without her knowing what a pervert you are? 


Billy Rogers

Stephen Sullivan

Jake Donson

ST LOUIS CHAPEL


Put the sex tracker in the Fitness tab—sex counts as exercise

And you could always revert to more archaic methods of tracking who you have sex with and when, like pen and paper, notches on a bed post, or etching in stone. But there’s something subtly shaming about having to press, “Sorry, nope, didn’t use protection” when entering data, which the app prompts you to do each time you record a sexual event

ARISTON PARK VENUE


The new iPhone sex tracker’s glaring

It’s also great that users will have the option to chart their sex lives in their smartphones, also even makes sense that Apple developers might associate sexual activity tracking and protection responsibility with women. 

SAVE THE DATE

Sunday, July 23, 2022